2015 was the year where I felt my channel started to get a lot of ‘weight’ and attention. I hit my 1,000 subscribers mark and that was a big milestone for me.
It was also the year where I felt like my channel and videos fell flat.
I started to wonder what my channel was about, and what exactly I was the purpose of me doing what I love doing. I don’t earn anything making YouTube videos every week. But something about filming, editing, and thinking of creative ways to express my interest in beauty, kept me going. But I figured that that wasn’t enough.
Truth be told, I started fixating on numbers and stats and a lot of the time, it made me feel like I’m not doing enough with my channel to let it grow. It made me feel like there’s something more I can give and do with my channel.
For the last four years (I kept saying three in the video cos I wasn’t sure ha ha. When I checked back, I uploaded my first video in 2011), I’ve limited myself to beauty videos, vlogs, challenge and tag videos that everyone else was doing. And that, even though it was trendy and it was the thing that people searched for the most (at that particular time), caused my channel and myself to become stagnant.
There was little to no growth in my channel and I was just not having it. So after months of feeling down about it all, I decided that it was time for me to brainstorm of ways to refresh my channel. And step one, was retiring Rustyshoes92, and paving way for a channel that is a full representation of myself.
In the three months, I spent a lot of time doing my own research on other YouTubers and how they go around making an identity for themselves in the internet world. I spent hours brainstorming video ideas that I think would be of value (and fun to watch, of course!) to my subscribers.
I then started sharing my thoughts on rebranding and refreshing my channel to people I know who mattered. People who have been so close and dear to my heart; who has genuinely cared and supported my choice and journey to create and put up videos on YouTube. And this refresh and journey towards self-discovery would not have been possible without them. This refresh in my channel is not just the result of my efforts. I feel like this new (but not new) channel is the combined efforts of the people who have given me ideas upon ideas, suggestions upon suggestions, and encouragement upon encouragement. And I feel like when I look at this refresh, I don’t see just my name on it. But I see little fragments of the people who has made this possible. And for that, this new channel is worth so much more to me than numbers and stats.
Throughout the three months, I figured that there were so many things about me that’s just not all about beauty. Beauty is one (relatively) big portion of my life, my personality, and passion. But I’m interested in so many different things aside from beauty and for the last four years, I feel like I’ve never been able to express that. I’m not intending to share every single detail about myself. But I just would like to give my subscribers and followers an insight of how I see different things that’s not beauty related. And at the same time, one of the biggest things I want to do is to inspire.
This refresh doesn’t mean I’m not going to do beauty videos at all. Are you kidding? Of course I’ll still be doing beauty videos! But this refresh in my channel is me trying to say that I want to be able to use this platform to share not just beauty, but other parts of my personality and interests that I have.
So before I end this post and you can finally watch the video, I’d just like to thank the people whom I mentioned earlier, cos they really did play a huge role in this refresh and in my decision to keep making videos every single week.
I know it’s weird to see your daughter speak to a camera and be late for dinners cos she’s ‘filming a video’. I know it’s weird to see your daughter go to extreme lengths (Read: Take Mummy’s fake flowers and arrange them nicely on our balcony table/Climb balcony chair/bust out the DSLR and prop it up on the box that’s on top of a stool…) to take that perfect picture of a box for Instagram.
But when you get it. When you go, “Are you filming a video? Oh ok!” or “I hope your YouTube videos will get you somewhere one day. I want to see you doing digital media.” or “My daughter looooveeesss makeup. She makes videos and puts them on YouTube!” It means THE WORLD to me. So thanks for not thinking I’m crazy speaking to a camera.
The person who hears me rant about EVERY. SINGLE. THING. I think the best thing you’ve said to me with regards to my YouTube channel is the same thing you said in one of the videos we did together, which was our Q&A video, which is, “As long as you inspire one out of the 1,600 subscribers you have- I think that should be the main driving purpose why you’re doing this in the first place.”
My Girlfriends, Farie, Liyana and Wahidah,
F & L,
You girls know what part you have to play in this refresh. Thanks for always giving me endless support and ideas to make my channel better, to make it different, to make it personable. Both of you are like idea banks and I don’t know what I’d do without you both.
Thanks for keeping me grounded. For reminding me that the reason why I’m not standing out is because I’m doing everything the same way as everyone else. And I need to push myself to figure out what is it about my channel that makes it unique.
To all others whom I didn’t get to highlight here, you all are part of the little fragments that is my new, refreshed channel. I see you when I look at my channel. And I’m sure you know who you are.
So Hello, I’m Tiara.
Welcome to my channel, Tiara S. Dusqie 🙂
You have to focus on what you really love, and have a sense of purpose, and that’s what keeps me going – is having a sense of purpose. – Michelle Phan