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Awake.

[WARNING]

Irritatingly mushy post coming. If you want to read, read it at your own risk. Just in case you’re allergic to mushy-ness, prepare a bucket or plastic bag for you to barf in, OR, to save yourself the trouble, just don’t read it.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Heh.

[/WARNING]

Today, I was moved- Moved to understand, and take in all my blessings. All this while, I have been aware and thankful for them. But I never took the time to actually take in what has been happening. A year ago, I never thought I’d be where I am right now. A year ago, it never crossed my mind for me to be in a relationship. I thought I was going to be by myself, still. I thought I was going to just carry on with my life, independently and be happy even though I was alone.

I was. I have been. And I when I reached that part of my life where I truly wanted to be happy alone, I felt like I could conquer the world- I could do anything alone. Of course, with my parents, family members, faith and God.

But now, I’m 20 and things are so very different than what I thought it was gonna be a year ago. And now, I have been blessed with the most thoughtful, loving, smart, responsible and caring man a girl could ever ask for. I really think I must have done something right to be so blessed- So blessed that I don’t think words are ever going to be enough to explain it.

Back to how I was actually moved to feel this way. It’s not anything big or extravagant. It was….

A simple car ride back home.

It was then I realised how very lucky I am to be sitting beside someone like him. All that was playing in the background was the radio and the sounds of cars and motorcycle’s zooming past.

There he was. Sitting at the driver’s seat, driving me home, all the way from the other end of Singapore- one hand on the steering wheel, and the other hand on mine (I know, this is quite err, dangerous hahaha. But if it’s any consolation, it was a straight road and I had my eyes on the road as well.) He’d fiddle with my fingers throughout the whole drive home. Sometimes, I’d catch him glancing over at me and I’d ask him “What?” and he’d reply “Nothing, I’m happy”.

There he was. 

Here he is. 

And at that moment in the car, when he said that, if I was at home or alone or something, I would have cried. Because I felt appreciated for my efforts thus far. I’m sure those of you who regularly read my blog know that I find myself to be a bad girlfriend, or rather not girlfriend material. However, he makes me feel that I was/am actually good enough for someone.

It’s the way he looks at me- the way he holds my hands, the way he laughs when I say something bimbotic or stupid, the way he smiles at me when I’m not looking then I catch him doing that and I’d feel insecure and shy and paiseh, the way he makes me laugh with his stupid jokes and comments, the way he makes me smile; and I can go on~

It really is the way he looks at me that makes me so very thankful to be blessed with someone like him in my life. I’ve never had any guy look at me in the eyes the way he does. He holds that gaze so very well that at times, I feel like I might actually be the only girl on Earth.

And so, today, I was moved; Moved to realise and be even more thankful for the blessing God has given me.

Every day that I spent my mending my broken heart was one step closer to getting what I deserve. That time I spent doing so, brought me here.

Meeting Khairun makes me want to be a better person and to not forget to always be thankful for every single blessing that I have been given. It proved me the power of prayer, faith and hope. For that, I strive to pray a little harder, say Alhamdulillah to anything that Allah has blessed me with, even if it’s a small thing- like reuniting me with my ez-link card that I thought I lost.

Oh Allah, I’m only human. I make mistakes, and sometimes I forget to thank You for every little thing that you’ve given me. But I thank You for blessing me with someone. The fact that You have done so makes me strive harder to thank You every single day for every single blessing that You’ve given to me. And to me, that is priceless. So please forgive me for the times I forgot to say Alhamdulillah. But right here, right now, I thank You for EVERYTHING. Everything. Amin.

To my Childish Man (Pun very much intended here)

I told you I was in the middle of something. This was the something. You’re probably sleeping by the time I post this up. But I reckon you’d come across it soon.

Although I told you not to read me whenever I don’t allow you to, but I hope you read me on the way home in the car today. But if you didn’t, I think this should be sufficient.

Just know that I cannot imagine not being able to see you looking at me with those eyes of yours, even how small it is.
And just know that I don’t need to hear you tell me that you love me to know that you do. I just look at you; at your eyes and I know. I might not be able to read people as well as you can, but you are one person I can read better as compared to other people.

I really think my blog post is not enough to explain how I feel- how I felt just now when you sent me home. I can’t get it off my mind- how you look at me; how you looked at me when I got into the lift. It makes me feel very warm and loved. I’ve never felt that way before- having to look into a guy’s eyes and feel everything he’s feeling. You leave me speechless every time. Since the beginning. And I’m never speechless- until I met you. Hahaha.

I thank Allah for that. For bringing me to you.

I love you, owner of a double barreled dart gun.
Very much 🙂

When he stares at me you see he cares for me
And when he looks at me his brown eyes tell his soul.

Brown Eyes by Beyonce

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2 thoughts on “Awake.”

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