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Set Fire to The Rain.

Recently I was wondering if I had made a wrong decision about something. I felt that it was a big mistake. If I had known better, maybe things would be different now. How different? I have no idea.

Nevertheless, I did learn. Things had to be taken away to make way for better things.

Moving on, something has been bothering me. It doesn’t involve me per se but I feel that it’s something that needs to be attended to before things happen and it’s too late.

Here’s the deal. Girls, when the guy you’re dating tell you they have changed or they are going to change, they are not going to. They never do. Sorry to burst your bubble but guys. never. change. They only say they’ve changed to get what they want- you. You giving in to them just means that the score is now 1-0 to the guy. Once he’s got you in his ‘zone’, chances are he’ll tell you anything and everything to make you stay. And when you do 2-0 to the guy.  They’ll manipulate you and resort to making you feel guilty for not being able to succumb to their ‘wants’. Then it’s 3-0 to the guy. They’ll make you choose between them and the fact that you might lose them if you don’t give what they ‘want’. Then it’s 4-0 to the guy. Girls, you are losing in this game, just in case you haven’t realised.

How many points do you want to let a guy win before he takes everything from you? You know what I mean by ‘everything’. You already know you’re losing, yet you still let him win. You don’t trust him 100% that he will respect your dignity. Then why are you there for? Being in a relationship means you trust the person to take care of you and respect you and your body and your dignity. If you don’t have 100% trust, are you sure it’s love? Cause I think it’s just lust.

And for those girls who are already in a committed relationship with a guy who told you he’d change. He changed. Then he went back to what he was. Then you got upset. Then you had an argument. To save the relationship, he ‘promised’ you he’d change. But the sad truth is, it’s a whole lot of bullshit and it’s a sick cycle. Why? Why should you go through with such heartache? Why would you want to put yourself into such a position where you get so stressed and everything. Being in a relationship shouldn’t stress you out. It should compliment your life.

I know I’m not in a relationship. I’ve had two failed relationships. One of them tried to ‘change’ for me and like I said, it failed. Miserably. He went back to the person he was before and I had to face a shitload of crap to get him back on track but failed and then I got tired cause I shouldn’t be stressed being in a relationship. I don’t want someone to change for me. Someone should change for himself. Not for me. The other relationship just died. No one was to blame. So after all this, who am I to talk about what being in a relationship means right?

Here’s what I got. Being single and alone made me realise that being in a relationship is not solely about status and telling people that you’re attached. It’s not about telling people that you have dates with your significant other. It’s not all about outrightly expressing feelings for your partner. It’s not about expensive gifts and presents. It’s not about expensive restaurants and food.

Being single and alone made me observe that being in a relationship requires the act of standing by your partner through everything. It means to listen to one another. It means to confide in one another when there is a problem. Being in a relationship means that you’d do anything for your partner with love, dedication and sincerity. It means to not ask for anything in return. It means to be the voice of reason for one another.

Today, I went visiting. Visited a family friend whose husband is in the hospital. He’s suffering from Parkinsons Disease and he’s unable to eat. He gets fed milk via a tube that runs through his nose to his tummy every three hours. His wife visits him every day in the hospital. Rubs his back, accompanies him, talks to him. Every. Single. Day. She showed me that being in a relationship means to think of the other’s happiness more than your own. She said that if the sickness that her husband is facing is making him suffer too much, she would rather let God take his life away so he would be at peace. She said that with a voice that was so hearbreaking, I almost teared.

It made me realise how wrong I’ve been about being in a relationship. It’s not all about having a boyfriend to complain to. It’s not all about “Hey honey, I miss you! Hope you’re fine :)”. It’s not all about going out for dates and getting each other presents. It made me realise that being in a relationship is so much more than all that superficial stuff. It has so much deep meaning to it that I can’t even explain it properly. I long to be in a good, healthy and understanding relationship. But till then, I’ll continue observing and trying to understand the true meaning of being in a relationship. So when I finally am in one, at least I know what is required in a relationship to keep it going.

So if you think you have so much knowledge about relationships, you should stop and observe. especially old people who’ve been married for a really long time. The relationship they have is something you have to see with your own eyes. I can’t explain it to you. Ask your grandparents. Watch them. watch the little things they do for one another. Because it’s the littlest things they do that shows what it really means to be in a relationship. And then you ask yourself, do you have that in yours? (if you are in one) or was that what you think about when you get into a relationship? Is that what you expect?

Ponder.

Till then,
Merry Slumbers
xoxo

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