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Who you are vs. Who you wanna be vs. Who you should be

I have to constantly remind myself, that I am never going to be good enough. Like I know, and I have accepted the fact that I lack something. I don’t know what, but I know I lack something. Whatever it is, yah, I’ll never be good enough. In every way possible. And it kinda sucks to know that. It’s more sad, really.

But hmm, when I think it over, there’s nothing in life that is actually enough. It sucks to know that we all are never satisfied with what we have. I mean, it can go both ways. Like not satisfied with our marks for a test, cos we know we could’ve done better and that makes us wanna work even harder. Or, like not satisfied with what we already have and we want something more, something bigger, something better- that kinda thing.

I guess deep down every single one of us wants to be accepted just the way we all are made to be. And that includes the imperfections and flaws. Although, everyone keeps saying shit like “I don’t care what people think. they have to accept me for who I am regardless of how big of a part of me that they don’t fancy”. But I believe that each person would feel inadequate when they hear things like that. Who wouldn’t be? I mean its true that people have to accept you for who you are, but sometimes you can’t help but feel rather loser-ish. Like “Why am I not good enough” that kinda thing. Especially when it’s with regards to like someone you like or have feelings for or something. In some weird way, we all secretly care what people think of us. But like i’ve said before, we’re all hypocrites in our own sick way.

A wise person (I think she’s wise la. Hahaha) once said to me that I can be as good as I am or want to be. Nobody can/ is allowed to make you feel less good as you already are no matter what he or she says. Any change you wanna make to yourself should not be because of someone, but because YOU want to do so.

Right now, I feel intimidated. Like for real.

But s’okay. Other than that, I feel very thankful and blessed. It makes me feel hopeful that I know there is still a chance for me somehow, somewhere.

Alhamdulillah

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