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Eid Mubarak.

Eid Mubarak, my friends! 😀
How time flies~
It felt like it was like about a week ago that we started fasting, and now it’s Syawal already.
So, I’d like to apologise to my friends and family if I had said things that weren’t nice, or handled situations in a bad way etc.
We’re all just human. And we all make mistakes, whether we consciously or unconsciously know it.
I know I’ve forgiven others already. So yeah 🙂

As always, the tears start welling up in my eyes as soon as I hear the takbir on the radio. Of course, I’d still be eating by then so I’ll only cry after I’ve done my Maghrib prayers. I’m reminded of those who have left my family and i forever. Especially my late grandma.

I’d have to say that the Ramadhan that has just passed was really meaningful to me. I hope it was too for the rest of you out there. I felt that this time, I really connected with Allah swt- heading down to the mosque whenever I had the chance to to do terawih prayers. I won’t deny that things have been rough for me and Ramadhan was the month that I had to find some sense of peace within myself. They say that it’s in Ramadhan that Allah will answer all your prayers. I took advantage of that. It bore fruit when one of my prayers were answered. That was when I really amazed at Allah’s Greatness. I’ve prayed for the same things for months and months, and finally it paid off. Only He knows how thankful I felt and I’ll be forever greatful for that.

It’s true when they say that when you feel any form of negativity, take ablution and pray. It makes you calmer. For a really long time, my heart has never been at ease. Even if it is, it wont remain like that for long. But going to the mosque for terawih prayers, I reach home with the sense of happiness and fulfillment. This Ramadhan has definitely made me a stronger person. It tested my Iman and my patience. I have to admit that there are times when i felt like i couldn’t go on feeling pathetic and hopeless. And I always Allah how big His challenge is to me. But as we all know it, Allah tests us not for fun. He tests us to see how devoted we are to him, who do we turn to when we’re in hardship- Him or some other means (like smoking). I came across a quote that went something like

God gives you answers in three ways: He says yes and gives you what you want, He says no and gives you something better, or He says wait and gives you the best.

I believe in that. So here I am still breathing and holding on. Don’t know to what… But I’m not backing down. I’ll take my time to get over what I need to get over. Only I have control over my own feelings and nobody has a right to tell me how fast or slow I’m going. And with the Ramadhan that has passed, we’re greeted with Syawal. That’s when we all apologise for our wrongdoings and forgive other people for theirs. The controversy is that sometimes, some people do something really mean/bad/insensitive to you that you just can’t forgive them. I know it sounds pretty hard, but trust me, there are people out there like that. So the thing is, are they wrong for feeling that way?

2 ways to look at it:

a) yes it’s wrong, cos I mean, you have to forgive right. Forgiving is part of life.. part of religion.  No matter how big or painful that wrongdoing may be. If Allah can forgive His people, who are we not to right?

b) I guess it’s fine. I mean, like my cousin in law said “sometimes you can give chance, give way. If we both did something wrong then ok, 50-50, we both apologise. But if i’m the one being wronged, when clearly I’m not, why should i apologise to you? Apologise to you for what?” And you know, sometimes, the things people are capable of doing can shock you. And don’t be surprised, these antics are pulled off by the people you least expect- the most mature and diplomatic ones. Should you still forgive?

At the same time, I suppose it’s no use if you just tell someone that you’re sorry for the sake of doing so; for the sake of “oh it’s syawal, that’s the catchphrase.” and you don’t mean it. Like it’s insincere. Might as well don’t apologise at all right? I guess when you’re ready to let go, that’s when you’d be able to apologise to people, and forgive other people sincerely.

Like I said, I’m done being like this. I’m done being tired all the time and trying to fit in to other people’s expectations of me. I’m tired of accommodating to other people. I’m tired of fighting for people and feeling like I did something wrong, but I have no idea what.

So with that, I decided to apologise to my friends and acquaintances. Regardless if I knew what I did to them, or I don’t. I apologised to them. It doesn’t matter to me anymore what I did or didn’t do that made them unhappy with me.

I forgave those who did wrong towards me. Really, I did. I have.
But you see, forgiving and forgetting are two different words often put together.
I forgive, yes.
But will I forget? Honestly?
No.

As stated earlier, there are some people who cannot bring themselves to forgive what others did to them cos it has put them in such emotional turmoil that it comes to a point where it’s almost unbearable. It took me awhile. But I forgave- with thanks to Allah for Ramadhan cos that’s when I felt calm enough to be ready to forgive. But I’ll never forget what happened.

So that was my Ramadhan 😀
I have to say I welcomed Syawal a happier person, Alhamdulillah.
Have a blessed Syawal, Everyone 🙂

PS: pls exercise regularly.

😀

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