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Mirrors.

Monday marks the first day of being a year 2 student in TP’s school of Humanities and social sciences.

I cant say i’m 100% excited, but I like the subjects that I’ll be taking. Honestly, I cant help but feel an overwhelming sense of fear. I really need to get my grades up and do well for this semester. I need to keep improving. Before I continue, I wanna share a poem that HSS quoted from Madeline Bridges.

There are loyal hearts, there are spirits brave,
There are souls that are pure and true,
Then give the world the best you have,
And the best will come back to you.

Give love, and love to your life will flow,
A strength in your utmost need,
Have faith, and a score of hearts will show
Their faith in your word and deed.

Give truth, and your gift will be paid in kind;
And honor will honor meet;
And a smile that is sweet will surely find
A smile that is just as sweet.

Give pity and sorrow to those who mourn,
You will gather in flowers again
The scattered seeds from your thoughts outborne,
Though the sowing seemed but vain.

For life is the mirror of king and slave,
‘Tis just what we are and do;
Then give to the world the best you have,
And the best will come back to you.

– Madeline Bridges

I know it’s not a new year or anything. But it’s a new academic year on Monday. It’s back to slaving for tests and going for lectures and tutorials. Picking out what clothes to wear the night before. Finishing up assignments and projects. Pushing myself to the limits to get everything into my brains. Haha. I dont know if I miss that, or not. But Yah. That’s how the education system works. I have interesting subjects this semester. Counselling Psych, Social Psych, Cross- cultural Psych.. Lovin it, yo. I hope it’ll stay that way~

A lot has happened in this one academic year. I was a freshmen. I went for FOC, and I went for HSS FO. I went for DPA PPP. I got to meet new friends, caught up with old ones. Met familiar faces and familiarised myself with new faces. Time. Time seemed to pass by so quickly. Newly met friends became my every day thing. They were like my dose of happiness from a really dry shit ass day in school. They became the ones i ran to for anything and everything. Be it a listening ear, or help.

Time.

Time happened again. It moved so quickly. Everything was changing, with or without me knowing it. That was what time did. Emotions ran wild. Positive emotions, negative emotions. Lots of laughter and lame jokes. Lots of random nonsense and remarks. Before I knew it, I got my dose of eternal joy. The source. That source, that filled every crack. That source, that coloured my gray days with so much colour. That source, that kept me going on all the way. Every day was a sunny day even if it rained. Until today I can never explain how, or what, or why.. I just did. I still dont think I need a reason.

Time.

Time happened again. Yes, again. A whirlwind of emotions flew all over the place. Change happened. Things changed. I fell hard. Bruised and battered, I had to focus on what was important- even if it meant forcing myself to block out everything that was deemed unimportant. I gave my best. That was the most hardest period of my first academic year. To swallow and take in everything, and put my exams first even when the first thing on my mind was “What am I going to do? How do I get through this?” Endless encouragement and inspiration was my saviour. And of course, faith and belief. No words. No words can explain it. I was close to being aimless, lost. I think for a moment I was actually seriously aimless and lost. Nothing worked for me, really. Ice cream wasnt enough to drown the pain. Chocolate didnt taste sweet at all.

Time.

It happened again. I learnt to pick myself up and just keep moving even though the memories still linger, and that occasional feeling of what could have been. It’s true when they say God takes away something from you, and gives you something better in return- My results. I got my target GPA for this semester. Alhamdulillah. I felt so satisfied. Like wth I did it! Haha. Just when I thought things were getting better, well it didnt. Things got messy. I had to take a stand. I did. And I probably wont look back. Whatever happened, proved that my stand was worth it. I learned. It taught me and showed me who’d be there when the going gets tough. It showed me who’d be there when I’m being a pain in the ass, and accept me or tell me where I went wrong so I can try to be a better person. Afiq did it. It taught me that I’ll meet all sorts of people in life. Good people, bad people, cool people, funny people, sons of bitches, assholes, asswipes, nice people, friendly people… you name it.

And time moved again. To now. To the present. When I look back at it, I’m nothing more than just a human. Who goes through life’s trials and tribulations. I am not perfect. I never seek to be. Nobody has a right to control over who I am, and who I want to be. I learned that doing the right thing, is subjective. Whatever is right to me, may not be right to other people. And I have no right over their thoughts and opinions. I learned that if people can’t accept the things I say, and the reasons why, then so be it. I learned that in life, people will make you happy and feel like you’re flying. And I also learned that there’s always a possibility that the same people who made you happy and feel like you’re flying will be the ones who break and disappoint you. There’s always hard work involved. There’ll always be failures. There will always be regret.

But that’s what it is. Suck it up, and just keep going. Happy or sad, angry or depressed. Life goes on. The world wont stop and wait for you. You just gotta go with it. Regardless of anything. Be thankful for the days you feel the love and happiness, and stay strong when the hard times come by. Cos no matter what happens, when you’re down, there’s no where else you can go but up.

I still mean what I put in my blog title
“Speak with wit; or forever hold your peace”

I say if you got no substance, no argument; Then save yourself the shame and shut your vagina. (as quoted from the movie Date Night- love that movie btw. Furthermore it works in this context)

What can you expect from me? Well. Anything actually. People surprise you. Let’s just keep it as that.

And yes, thanks for all the life lessons in AY2009/2010. I can improve on myself. So. What’s in it for you?

I guess the poem by Madeline Bridges kinda empowered me. To me, the poem shows that in whatever we do, we gotta give our best. To studies, to people, to friends, to family, to the community, to everyone. And when you’re at an ugly place, you gotta have faith and hope. And of course, Karma. What goes around comes around.

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind”
-Dr. Seuss

This quote by Dr. Seuss sums this whole post up. ‘Nuff Said.

*Disclaimer
Every feeling you own towards this post be it positive or negative is purely yours and yours alone. I have no right over how you feel. Dont blame me for how you feel. I’m just saying. Hahahaha.

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