Had a good chat with my parents about life and death.
Talking about those who has left us and how they left us- sudden or it was already anticipated.
Maybe the death of both my paternal grandparents were traumatising. however, on the bright side, i did get to see them go through difficult times in the hospitals. check ups after check ups. blood tests after blood tests. so when they left, no doubt i was distraught, but at least i knew my family tried our best to keep them alive as long as medical advancements could.
however, the sudden death of my uncle was the one i still ponder about time and again. he was involved in a car crash. you see it in the news, in dramas. car crashes. imagine it happening to you. like your family member in that car crash.
everyone thought he’d survive it. he could still respond when i last met him. little did i know that that was going to be the last time i was ever going to see him give me that big smile of his. the call from my dad saying that my uncle passed away left me in pieces. i lost my grandma 4 months before that. so technically, 2004 was a gloomy year for my family. nothing seemed right. one after another my family member passed away. first my grandma, then 4 months later, my uncle. to have 2 family members just go like that. it isnt easy.
the point of my post is. what if you were given a chance to spend time with those who have left you for one more day? it sounds like i’m taking it from mitch albom’s book – for one more day. but if u think about it, that book holds much meaning. after all that said and done, everything over, another chapter of life has passed, you long for one more day to make things right, to say your sorries and the things you never told them that u know you should have.
you long for that one more day. one more chance to make it right before it’s definitely over. but that day that u long for wont come.
the thing is, why is it that people have to WAIT for something to happen and realise what they’ve lost. why is it that people have to WAIT for something to happen when they realise they havent been appreciating the amount that they should have. why is it that people have to WAIT for something to happen, and then regret.
maybe there can never be an explanation for this. could it be a human phenomenon? or could it be that we all are made to feel regret and pain? the answer can be both.
thats why i look up to my dad. to have 2 of his family members leave him in a span of 4 months. its not easy. he didnt cry when his mum died. he didnt cry when his bro died. did it mean that he didnt love them and felt nothing? which child wont break down when his parents die? they;ve been there for you through everything and to have their life just taken away by the Almighty. of course he felt the pinch. but when i questioned him on why didnt he cry. he told me that there;’s nothing to cry about. in his eyes, he has tried his best and did his duty as a son to ensure his mother deserved the right medical attention. he brought both his parents to check ups together. took leave just to send them to the hospital. paid their hospital bills and medication. with that, he told me, “I have fulfilled my duties as a son. I feel satisfied. I should not feel guilty or regret, cos I did my best”
but about his bro, he felt sad at first. but during the time when my uncle passed away, it was also the time when the tsunami happened. he thought to himself “If i’m here feeling sad, cos my bro died of a serious accident injury, over a 100,00 people died in the tsunami JUST LIKE THAT. so, i think i shouldnt feel sad. cos there are other people who feels 10000 times sadder than i feel.”
i guess the reason why i’m writing this post is cos life can go anytime. you can go anytime, i can go anytime. it’s all about time. time is always the factor to everything. time makes things better, time makes things worst. time gives you hope, time helps you keep faith. time makes you wonder if tomorrow will be better. time makes you realise what you have to do to make things better. time makes you reminisce. time heals. but most importantly, time helps you carry on.
everyday is a battle. nobody wins or loses. cos thats life. life is a battle. it’s a battle for time.