“Buah Epal, Buah oren
Ramadhan sudah lepas, Syawal has come again
Tiba masanya for us to mintak maaf zahir dan batin
Sorry kalau terkasar bahasa atau ter-hurt your feelings
This is the beauty of Islam;
Forgive, Forget and begin again (:
SELAMAT HARI RAYA! “
Yes. Eid Mubarak to all my Muslim mates!
It is a day to be happy and enjoy ourselves.
But of course, don’t forget the ones who have left us. Our friends, family, relatives. Say a prayer for them.
As I did my maghrib prayers, the takbir played in my head. And everytime it repeated itself, I was a step closer to shedding tears. Which I did in the end. Since Arwah Nenek died, Hari Raya has never been the same. Her seat in the dining room still remains empty cos I guess we’d still like to believe that she still sits at that spot. and since Arwah Pakdang Warta died, Hari Raya has been different too. No more visits from Malaysia. No more the uncle who spoilt me. If Arwah Nenek was still around she’d give me a bear hug anytime. She’d make me feel calm at a time when i’m at my lowest. Talking about her during buka today made me somehow, sad. I miss her.
But I know that life has to go on. Yes, we can be sad and reminisce the ones who have left us. Yes, we feel empty, we feel different, we feel like something or someone is missing in our lives. It is okay to feel that way. But we have to learn to let go. We have to learn to accept fate. Life still goes on. You can miss them. You can cry when you miss them. But it is not an excuse for you not to celebrate Aidilfitri.
I lived with my nenek for 12 years of my life. We stayed under the same roof. She was the one who fed me, who put me to sleep, who’d buy me donuts, who’d give me wet kisses, who would wait for me to come home from school, watch bujang lapok with me, watch some random show on repeat. How do you think I feel when I lost her? Losing her in front of my eyes. Just let her slip away. It wasnt fair when she left the day i visited her at the hospital. I never showed her how much i loved her, how much i cared. I never told her how important she was to me and how she helped shape me to the person I am today. 5 years down the road, i still live with the regret. But I learned to accept the fact that i missed my chance. I learned that it was better if she left. I learned that she’d be better off leaving all of us cos she’d be suffering if she stayed.
Still every year i celebrate Eid with a smile on my face. I know that she’s somewhere watching me as I grow. I dont look like how i did when I was 12. But I guess she is a part of me. Cos she prayed to Allah to bless my parents with ME. If it werent for her prayers, I wouldnt be here and my friends would not have met me. I might not even have existed. That’s her impact on me.
All I can afford to do, is dedicate Al- Fatihah to her so she’d feel comfortable.
For those who miss the ones they have lost, dedicate them Al-Fatihah. Insya Allah, they’ll get it, and they’ll know they are being missed.