Nobody Said It Was Easy

“Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful.”

A Walk To Remember

“And one day, I’m going to have the courage to tell him i like him, but until then, I’m happy being invisible.”

via eletheowl.tumblr.com

“She’s hurt; mentally and emotionally. But everyday, she walks outside with a smile on her face, because that’s just who she is; the girl who never stopped smiling.”

via eletheowl.tumblr.com

So. It’s no surprise that something is up with me, no? Or do i need to go “SURPRISE!”

Let’s just say that I feel as though I missed out on a chunk of my life. Remember how we all had homework in primary school and we had to fill in blanks. How weird the sentences sounded with the blanks. Sometimes you’re given helping words. Sometimes you’re not. And maybe it will get annoying when you’re not given any helping words. You crack your brains to figure out what word would fit. and sometimes you just cant find the right word to fill in that blank.

That’s how i’ve been feeling. It’s as though that I lost a chunk of my life which means alot to me. I lost that chunk. It’s like i just fell asleep for God knows how many hours or days, and just wake up to a smack in my face. I dont know how it got there. I dont know how I tripped nearing to the finish line, and fall unglamorously flat on my face. This is how it looks like;


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Where did that middle portion go to? I’m just lost. So lost. I dont know where to go and what to do. I dont know how i should feel. I dont know how it’s gonna be like. I dont know what to expect and anticipate. There’s just so many I dont knows right now, I dont know where to begin to fill in that blank. I dont know where to start. And the sad thing is,  nobody can help me find out what i missed and what that blank should be, except myself. I’m my only answer.

But through it all, I know that Allah is fair. I have to be patient and sincere. Allah is testing me cos He knows I can handle it. And with that, I have to learn to sincerely accept all of this. I admit I have not been sincere about accepting it. But I’d like to know how to, and I want to learn to do so. I will. Eventually. Insya Allah.


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