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Rojak of Emotions.

I feel pain.
I feel afraid.
I feel sore.
I feel dumb.
I feel sleepy.
I feel tired.
I feel happy.
I feel contented.
I feel blessed.
I feel thankful.

I FEEL DUMB.

Hence the title of today’s post. August is here. Which means tests and exams are coming up. I do not want to sit for Statistics supp paper. I want to past statistics. but I can never do well in it. I need to work harder. Try harder. And force myself to understand whatever shit i dont understand. It is hard. But i have to do it. And I will. I will pass stats. WAIT AND SEE TZEMIN. RAWR.

I FEEL SLEEPY. I FEEL TIRED.

I woke up for class and I was still sleepy this morning. SIGH.

I FEEL SORE. I FEEL PAIN.

Dance was awesome. Gin was back. And oh my god. I felt very intimidated. I was scared I’d look like a fool. She was so good. And there were some people who had gone for classes at O school or studio Wu before. And i’ve never been o them classes IN MY LIFE. So i’m at the losing end. Fortunately, Gin was quite okay with the fact that i didnt quite get her chereography right. She told me to practice. And she did not hesitate to teach serene and i a part of the dance that we didnt quite get after class. like we asked her to repeat that part. She even gave Keshia tips on how to make her shoulders not cringe up when she dances. So i guess that’s good. And thanks Shirlin for teaching me the weight shifting thing! 😀 I think my dance mates are awesome. Although some of them are more experienced than me they still offer some help.

Pain and sore are caused by the crunches that Gin made us do. I WAS LIKE WOAH. Totally didnt expect that. But i think its a good regime.

I FEEL (HAPPY,CONTENTED,BLESSED,THANKFUL,AFRAID)

I feel happy, contented and blessed cos. cos. well I just do. Some know why. Some dont. Oh well. there are some things you just do not want the world to know. But all i want the world to know is, I am feeling happy, blessed and contented and I thank Allah for that. Amiin. Very ironic right? Happy, contented and blessed and suddenly afraid?

I’m trying to make this sound as general as possible. Cos there are some things that I do not want to publish in an obvious manner here. and there are some things that i would want to address and i have no intention of hurting anyone’s feelings or whatsoever. So forgive me.

As contented as I feel; as happy as i feel; as blessed as i feel, i have a feeling of fear. within all of those positive feelings that i have, i feel fear. I saw it happen in front of my eyes. They were my friends. I knew them. Both of them. We all belong to the same group of friends, same group of mates. But after whatveer that has happened. I am scared. Cos if it can happen to them, it can happen to me too. And I dont want that. Somehow, as contented as i feel, i know that there are things more worth saving than my contentment. But at the same time, the contentment, the happiness, the bliss, is a very nice feeling. It’s a feeling I’ve longed for. It’s a feeling that I havent felt in a very long time. This feeling is worth it. It’s not like other feelings I’ve had. It is worth my time, worth my smiles, worth how i honestly feel.

Many might feel confused. But I can safely say that as of now, only Bobby knows what i mean by the above paragraph.

And I know Izzat will tell me “Stop saying that” when i say

“I’m afraid of not being good enough and I’m afraid i will screw up.”

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