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nothingness. just nothingness.

I know I shouldnt feel buzzed or pissed or irritated at bloody hell stupid bullshit like this, but wth. I feel like i’m stuck in primary six, where the whole “OMG I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. BUT I CANT TELL YOU” still exists. I’m freaking seventeen, and i’m in poly, and i still hear this stupid things. Gosh. How annoying it is. It doesnt make sense. You tell somebody that you have something to tell him or her, and then you tell them that you cant tell them what you want to tell them. Get it?

This clearly means that you trusted a friend to keep your secret- which apparently he’s dying to tell whoever who’s involved, but your friend just decides to be a bitch and open his big fat fucking mouth. And you call them your friends… Hmmmm. INTERESTING. And all of this is about a dude who has a crush on me. -___________-” Is it true that all dudes nowadays have no balls to admit this shit? Ahhh, Swallow your pride. Angry.

Secondly. Lately I’ve been feeling kinda used. And i only have myself to blame. cos i think that i’m too nice for my own good. (ironically i’ve never been this nice before. hmm) i let people step over my head, and i keep helping them over and over. and because i take things really lightly people think it’s funny to see me figure out bullshit that is a total waste of my precious time. When i just decide to be kinda nice and run an errand for someone, i’ll feel like a slave doing something wrong in that errand i was assigned to. Like come on, if it aint good enough do it yourself. God gave u brains and hands to do things. Then use it.

It’s funny right. It’s funny cos I dont take things seriously. I’m a carefree person. You insult me, I laugh. You keep something from me that apparently holds a comedic relief to the people who are aware of the utter bullshit that is happening, it’s funny and I laugh- again. Or when I help you do something and it’s not enough, you complain and tell me to add in extra shit that isnt supposed to be MY JOB; I take it lightly and I laugh. So now I wonder. Am i ever going to be taken seriously? What does it take for me to be taken seriously? What do i have to do or prove to be taken seriously? Tell me. Cos I sure as hell want to be taken seriously.

As much as i disliked my secondary school, i love the people in there. And it’s true when Farie said “I’m sorry, but no one beats the people of ES” The people of ES are the only people who take me seriously. The Cullens, my mates, my best friend, my best guy friends. Only a pinch of people from TP take me seriously, and that’s 1A02, my year one psych/gems mates who are close to me and my DPA mates. That is all. Right now, right this second, it all feels like a joke to me. I dont feel close to anyone else but the people mentioned above. Is it a joke? If it is, then I’m sad. Because I wanted my journey in TP to be the best one to come and forever will be the best. But by the looks of it, it seems that everyone else are nothing but- plastic.

Maybe it will change. I hope it will. TP is a dope place and I’m blessed to be close to the people i mentioned above. But i guess, for now, the things that are happening to me are the reasons why i’m writing this very solemn and mundane post. I hope things change. I hope I’ll find the joy again. I hope that I will eventually be taken seriously, cos right now, I dont.

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3 thoughts on “nothingness. just nothingness.”

  1. sleeping mate, wat happened?
    hows life?
    must be sucky right?

    but nvrm, you are NOT alone!
    im with u.

    cheers!

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