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Lies.

School was LOOONG and rather dreadful. I had fun during pbspeaking cos we had to mime the process of writing a speech. my group was given the scenario of an award ceremony. it was hilarious! Rachel being the crazy fan of the award winner; running around like some mad person (it’s normal for Rachel to do that) Straight after pbspeaking tutorial was psych. I was half asleep by then, I’m sorry. Learnt more about schizophrenia and some weird stuff that i didnt know. Haha. did experiments blahblah. And then it rained. It rained cats dogs lizards cockroaches- everything lah. it was so heavy. being me, i was hungry. Like SUPERLY, CRAZILY hungry. All the canteens were full. ITAS was gonna be cold. So Sok Yee, rachel and i made a trip to cheers where we had our lunch- Polar puffs. I swear I’ll lose weight if i dont get enough food in my tummy every lunch break.

Read through the pbspeaking textbook while waiting for APEL to start. Rushed back to engine school for class with Mr Ang. It was fun. He dragged the time a little. zzzz. proceeded to tamp mall to meet Zam. Omg i miss him man. Lol. With that, I waited for an hour. cos initially he told me that it takes him 20 mins to get back to tampines from RP… *rolls eyes* we didnt do anything, really. we aimlessly walked around while catching up with one another. Zam has flabby arms. And I keep poking it cos its so soft. HAHAHAHAHA. ZAM MUST EXERCISE ALREADY. And he joined RP’s cheer! HAHAHAHA! omg i will so watch u one day ok *winks* haha. So yah. He was bored, so he offered to walk me home. Half way walking he said “Ok i’m not walking to yr house frm tamp mall ever again” And who’s idea was it? Haha.

So back to the main reason why I felt like blogging tonight.

I already look like a fool. I already look not worthy. And thanks, cos now i feel worse. If I was daring enough I’d wear a paperbag over my head to school tomorrow. The kind of insensitivity that i cannot stand are those that make no sense. You’re being insensitive not cos of your wit, but of the cold, harsh fact that you are insensitive. After 2 years I met you again and i thought it’d be cool having you as a close buddy. But even my best friend of four years, afiq, has never hurt me as much as you have. And we’ve only been close for like what? 2-3 weeks? As heartless as Zam is at times, he knows when to stop, he has his limits. And when he feels like he’s gone too far, he’ll apologise. To date, you’ve hurt my feelings more than three times. Although to you it might seem like peanuts; means nthing, but to me, i felt the pinch, i felt the embarrassment. I told Rachel that I’ll tell you this the next time you upset me. And surprise- You did. As much as i know you’re trying to make me feel happy, it’s not the way to do so. I’d rather you tell me cheesy, cornyass shit like “Just be patient..” rather than try so hard to make me happy when all you end up doing is pissing me off. I’m not overreacting. I really am pissed at you. Right now, I’m pissed. But when i wake up tomorrow, I wont feel angry anymore. Instead, I’ll feel disappointed.

No doubt it is your personality to be blunt and insensitive towards other people and what they think. But in life, you have to have limits. I can be blunt if i want to be. I can be mean if i want to be. But i only be mean and blunt when the situation calls for it. You’re mean and blunt 24/7 and I’ve never met a person like you. Special? maybe. Egoccentric? maybe. Whichever, and however you are, i dont know, and maybe i’ll never know. but all i know is i dont like having a friend who is not sensitive of my feelings. My best friend can tell me to stop pursuing feelings for a guy without making me feel a tad bit angry at him. My best friend can tell me i look funny in a dress without making me feel insulted. My best friend is able to hook me up with a dude without making me look like a complete fool in my own skin.

There’s a problem. You are not my best friend. I dont even know if i consider you my friend. cos as heartless as some (or many) of my guy friends are, they know how to take care of my feelings. as vulgar and horny my guy friends are, they know when to stop; they know when it’s funny and i’m laughing and when it’s not funny anymore.  THEN AGAIN, You are not my other guy friends. You are who you are. I dont expect you to change. I’m sorry, but i cant be super close friends with someone who cannot understand and take care of how i feel. As friends, we need to have mutual respect for each other; of which i think we dont have.

There’s no point in being nice and funny and fun to hang out with if you cant even respect the opposite party’s feelings man.

Disappointed. Just disappointed.

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