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Because. I dont need it.

bimbs

Bimbs!

kiamz

Kiamz!

love

Us three minus Jaws cos Jaws presenting tmr =(

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After class

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I used to think he was damn annoying, but i’m glad we’re at the same page now (:

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XY’s gay pose! Look at our legs! Oooo sexy. rawr

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Love.

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Even more love

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Purest love of all.

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The ultimate love- My one and only…

Scandal.

I love u ok. Secretly more than the rest. Haha!

So today I felt like I was being stalked. I WAS SO SCARED OK! I walked as fast as i could. eeyer. And some more my stalker like living in the same block as me. Wtf. I’m scared. Even Abang Is told me to becareful. Awww. Abang Is, my older bro. Nyahaha. Actually, it’s kinda believable. Presentation was rather satisfying. My video went well! Teehee. There wasnt any contrast problems or any of that sort cos Mr Jeff fixed it!! So yah. My group was the first to present. And I’d have to say, despite Nugget’s bombarding of qns… we pulled through! I’m proud of my group. Honestly,Β i didnt have 100% fun while doing the project. but the end product was just enough to make me happy. we triumphed through all the disagreements and pulled through. teehee. I’m proud of my group. ^_^v

You know when you feel like erasing a part of your life? It seems so insignificant now that you think about it. You dont need it now. Or maybe u used to need it, but now you dont. And you just want to like discard it. cos i mean, its bloody pointless.

Picture this: you have this camera. You take tons of pictures with the camera. And all yr memories are in there. The best, the not so happy ones. EVERYTHING. but one day. the camera failed on you. It died. And you hope and pray that it’ll be ok. everytime u try to take a picture, it doesnt turn out the way u want it to be. you started to rely on hope. but hope turned out to mean nothing but a lie to you. you kept holding on to that old, spoilt camera. then u realise, that maybe, you dont need it anymore. that maybe you should get a new one, or move on from it. save money and get a new camera. a better one, which is worth yr time and money. What do you do with the old camera? Ok maybe you dont throw it away, but you forget about it and u dont use it no more.

Maybe it doesnt make any sense. all i’m saying is.
I dont need it anymore. I just dont need reminders of what happened. Heck, I dont even WANT them. Cos I wanna go. I wanna move. Cos by staying here, at this same spot, i aint gaining anything. I was great the past few days. i further detached myself to the memories. and then it comes popping out again. Leave me alone? Probably so. Cos I really dont need it. I dont. I just dont.

And sometimes, i wish i was gifted. I wish I was pretty. I wish i had that girly thing that most guys look out for. dont get me wrong, I am confident. And I forever will be. I guess I feel like I’m so far down; down at my lowest and that’s why i’m saying these things that hardly ever come out of my thoughts/mouth. I guess I’ll never understand how most guys can get a girls attention in a snap of a finger, and how some girls just basically get almost everything. The dope boyfriend, the good looks.. they have everything a guy looks for in a girl. I wish I was that awesome. I wish I was so awesome, that I could break a guy’s heart instead of a guy breaking mine. Maybe I’d want to be the heartbreaker. Maybe I’d want to let these heartbreakers feel how it feels like to have their hearts broken. bitter? probably so.

somehow, i know i’ll never be able to do that. i’m not even sure i even have the heart to do so. i think i still have some compassion in me left. or maybe i just live in the little bubble that “treat others the way you want to be treated”. and this has always put me 2nd on everything. I’m too nice sometimes. I give in too much. And it’s taken for granted. Yes, the world is indeed unfair. but in this unfair world we all live in, i bet there’s bound to be justice. for me, i seek justice from Allah. As much as the pain i feel deep within, I tell Him every time i pray that IT’S OK. It’s ok that I feel the pain, the pinch, the sting. IT’S OKAY. Because I know that one day, I will be the one smiling. And I know that time will heal all my wounds. I’m blessed to still believe that there’s someone up there that knows exactly how I’m feeling, and watching me now, as i type this. For every setback, there are bound to be reasons. I wish i knew what they were and how long my misery is going to last. till then I’ll take life as it is- day by day. And be thankful of what He has given me.

He gave me the understanding parents. Mum and Dad who’re now my best friends. They call it Hikmah.
Which means, behind every setback, there isΒ a good reason as to why it happened.
I call it Love.

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1 thought on “Because. I dont need it.”

  1. 1. you make me miss schoool even more.
    2. i like your hair? i dno why. I NEED MY HAIR TO GROW FASTER!
    3. eh! i told you to be careful too ok. scary life you have.
    4. you know that if you ever decide to move on, i’ll be right behind you.
    5. and i wish jst abt the same as you. to be more than what i am. and everything you wrote there, i totally feel where it’s coming from.

    BUTTT, i know you’ll pull through. because you have friends, and bellyme(LOL!), and definitely your family. you’ll be fine! πŸ˜€
    banana pizza, sooon. (:

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