I was on the way home from grandmas place and I happened to bring up the topic on ‘judging before knowing’. A rather boring topic, but I experienced it in a different way this time.
As you all may know, I start school at 9. My break is from 12 to 2- which gives me just enough time to do my prayers. I’m awfully greatful that there’s a place in school to do my prayers. I admit, I dont wear the headscarf. And I do wear 3/4 pants, and tight shirts. However, I dont think it’s fair that people judge me just by how i dress.
There’s this makcik whom i assume works as a cleaner in school (or that area at school). I see her most of the time at the place where the designated area to do prayers is located. Basically, i brought my chinese friends, and Marissa (who’s a Muslim) there to accompany me. I know it sounds weird but I just felt uncomfortable when I’m there and there’re alot of guys doing their prayers. Cos i guess more guys use that area than girls. I feel blessed that my friends, although they have different religious views, bothered and didnt mind to accompany me. So there was this one time where the Makcik aint happy that i brought my non-muslim friends to the area. She said that their shoes were dirty, and that she already cleaned up that place for Muslims to pray. I apologised and i told my friends to meet me back in class.
I respected the fact that she cleaned the place up, and that it made sense, cos we Muslims need to pray at a clean area. The thing I didnt like was that she didnt even look at me when she said what she had to say. It was as if she was already judging me and not even being sincere at advising me not to bring my friends to accompany me. I felt guilty that I ‘dirtied’ the place, but at the same time, i felt angry that i could feel a certain ‘judging’ vybe from her. But nevertheless, I chose not to think so much about it and i let it go.
Funny, cos i thought ‘Makcik’s who wear the headscarf are supposed to be nice people with pure hearts. I guess after this incident, it proves that that ideology is not true. If they are so pure and nice, they wouldnt judge. But they did. Just because I dont wear the headscarf, and I dont really cover up as much, it doesnt mean that I dont do my prayers and respect my own religion. As far as I’m concerned, I go to the prayer area to do my prayers and fulfill the fact that I have to pray 5 times a day. I go there with the heart to do my prayers, and that’s between me and God. They have no right to judge me just by what i wear and how I look. If they think I’m ‘bad’ from the way i dress, what makes them all so much better than I am? I thought people with the purest of hearts shouldnt judge. It’s a sin. Still, why are ‘makcik’s with headscarves going around judging people?
Is it just the basic women (MALAY muslim Women) instinct? Is it in born or something. Whatever it is, I just dont respect these people. You claim that you’re all so good and nice, when you dont even realise how not nice you really are. I’m the bad one for wearing tight clothing? Then why do i see girls my age wearing the headscarf and holding hands with they’re boyfriends? I thought that was not allowed? So really, what is the difference between me- THE ONE WHO WEARS 3/4 PANTS AND TIGHT TSHIRTS and them- THE ONE WHO WEARS THE HEADSCARF; JUDGES, AND DOES THINGS LIKE HOLD HANDS OF THEY’RE BOYFRIENDS. To me, we’re all the same. I’m not saying ALL girls who wear the tudung do these kinda stuff. I applaud those who actually do live up to they’re headscarves. GOOD ON YOU, MATE. and that’s sincere.And I’m not saying ALL malay muslim older women. Just those who tarnish the other’s names.
So, I’m ‘bad’? REALLY? I bet I’m not as bad as some out there. REALLY.