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Ahh. The jitters

Was planning on not updating till I felt like it. Now i feel like it. So I’ll update.

Before Mum left for work, she just HAD to remind me that I’m starting school tomorrow. I already felt bummed.
I spent my last days of freedom doing practically nothing at all. Just lazing around at home, waiting for time to pass. Time did pass. Very very very fast. And now it’s 10:46 pm. NOOOOO. THERE GOES MY LAST DAY OF FREEDOM.

She came home and reminded me about school. AGAIN. It’s not like I’m not excited or anything. I am excited. But at the same time, I’m getting the jitters. It’s gonna be a whole new way of learning and shit. New people. New everything. I’m scared of facing the problem where I wont be able to find the right outfit to wear to school. Honestly, I dont think I’d be able to sleep tonight. Although I’ve prepared everything I need for tomorrow, I still feel very nervous. I’m just organised, thats all. Haa. School starts at 9, and ends at 5:30. How depressing. After that, i have to buy shampoo -.- oh well.

Today was bad. To those who know me, I’m sure they’ll know how hard it is to make me cry. I only cry for a few reasons. These reasons can be counted using the 10 fingers. But yah. I cried today. After a VERY LONG TIME. I cried. Yes, people. Laugh all you want. I broke down. Like how Blair did. Just in the spur of the moment and I stopped. Actually I think I cried for a whole 4 mins 51 secs. Yep. Throughout the whole song of Sum 41’s With me. Loser shit right. Like what it said in the lyrics of Howie Day’s Collide “even the best fall down sometimes” I have my days; Where i’ll turn into a girly girl so fast, that I myself cannot believe it. Following that massive breakdown, I took out my journal and wrote a 3 page entry with gray ink. I dont use gray. I hate gray. but cos I was feeling gray, it seemed like the best option. After a good 20 minutes of really nice handwriting with gray ink on my beloved journal, i was exhausted. Funny, cos last time, i could write compositions one after the other and i can still write more.

Finished the whole tub of Ben & Jerry’s Daddy bought ytd night. I needed more, but I had to control myself. Was very close to running out in my shorts and singlet to get myself another tub. Was very close to slipping on my blades and blade off the pasir ris. But on second thought, my brakes were failing me so i decided not to take the risk. So yah. Off hand, I had a terrible day. AT HOME. Seriously? Who the hell has terrible days at home?

My girls have been nothing but wonderful to me. And I really appreciate them. Zam’s talking to me now, still cheering me on. Speaking of Zam, he got the tickets for Red Jumpsuit Apparatus already.

Hopeless? You can say so. Helpless? Sure as hell. Numb? You got that right. Haa.

And to end off, I guess there’ll always be times when you’ll be a freshie again… *rolls eyes* greeeeaaaaat. but it feels good to walk into the secondary school laughing at them little kids. I’m so mean. But. I dont care. (big smiley evil face here)

 

“If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world”

Chasing Cars; Snow Patrol

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