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Depressing; My endorphins wore off.

I’ll start with yesterday. yesterday the five of us wanted to run at the stadium. but unfortunately they were having some sort of event so the people there chased us out. So for a good half an hr, we didnt knw what to do. So we decided to eat at Qiji. By the time we finished breakfast, the gym was already open. So to the gym it was. I had fun exercising. And then Auntie Eli sent the other girls home while i went to meet someone.

I guess I’d have to admit that I was being really stupid and very narrow. Although I’m not like that, I’ve been that way for the past few days. It’s not something I’m proud of at all. I let it get to me. I was so caught up in making sure everything was perfect, that I ended up digging my own grave. I thought my 2009 was going great; until it was put to a sudden hault, and suddenly i feel suffocated. Millions and millions of thoughts raged through my already tired head. I wasnt only physically tired, but mentally too. I wished I had never brought the thing up. I wished I had never let the ‘comparing’ side of me loose. It was not just an insult to the other party, but to me too. I was numb the whole day. I didnt know what to think, I didnt know what to say. And my head was already hurting cos I tried to weigh everything out; without talking to anyone. All the pros and cons that i weighed, happened in my head. It was as if my brain was split into 2. And it was so hard to actually digest everything. By that time, I was already in the cab with Mum heading to Arab street. I almost teared in the cab, but for the desperate attempt not to let mum figure out anything, i held it back. After going for some girl time at Wayan, (which i spent thinking for the whole one hour. I didnt even feel the beautician poking my face. I guess I had fun. Cos the pain was channelled somewhere else), Mum and I met Dad for lunch. I still didnt talk much. They decided to go to the town area. I diligently followed. There came a point where I was being too quiet (and tired. That was what daddy thought) that Daddy decided we should go to Starbucks and have some drinks. Usually I’d be all excited to get my dose of caffeine in my system. but this time, I wasnt. I bought my parents their drinks, and went back. After 20 minutes of sitting down, and not talking. My Mum asked “Do you have a problem with your ‘new friend’?”

I was taken aback by the fact that she got it. Spot on. And of all the people I had to confide in, I confided in my parents. OF ALL THE PEOPLE. And let me tell you, your parents, are only the best people to confide in. I learnt that yesterday. And after that I thanked God for blessing me with such parents. I told them the whole story from A-Z. The flipped and got angry not at the parts where I expected them to. They got angry because I expected someone to be perfect. They got angry because I started comparing someone that I’m interested in to some other people. And they got mad that I didnt confide in them. I learnt something from my Dad yesterday. I learnt that whoever the person may be, he is not perfect. And the whole idea of liking, and being in a relationship with someone is to adapt to the imperfections. A whole series of give and take. A whole season of compromises. yes, That’s how stupid I had become. Like I’ve said before, even the best fall down sometimes. After the talk with my parents, I felt 10 times better; but it wasnt enough. I had a huge gush of guilt built within me. As sleepy as I was, as tired as I was, I couldnt get to sleep knowing that I havent said something I should say. So I did.

The verdict? Neither of us knows. There seems to be a barrier that’s making it all more complicated. And that barrier is- our differences. However different we may be, whatever lies ahead- be it a relationship, or still a dating status, it will never be pointless. How can it be pointless, when there’s something there between both of the parties? How can it be pointless, when the two parties know that in the back of their heads- regardless when they’re with friends or family; that they have each other; they have a best friend to pour out issues or stuff that normal friends shouldnt know; they have someone in their minds that make them smile, although they dont get to see each other.

I’ve never blogged like this since ages ago. I’ve never spoken about issues like this since a very long time ago. And that was when I was really serious about someone, when I was willing to accept someone for who they are, and what they are when they’re with me. I wouldnt be rambling on for almost a 1000 words in this post, if I didnt care. I wouldnt be pouring out to my parents for help, if I didnt care. and I wouldnt have thought about the whole situation, cracking my brains, and still think about the situation, if you didnt mean anything to me. 

And to end off, unlike you low lying people, I CAN CONFIDE IN MY PARENTS. I CAN TALK TO THEM, AND THEY STILL LOVE ME. NO MATTER HOW STUPID MY PROBLEMS CAN BE. Can you?

 

Droplets; Colbie Caillat & Jason Reeves (PS: This is a nice song. You shd listen to it. But if u dont want to, you can always hit pause, or mute your computers)

[Colbie Caillat]
I’m leaving you
I’m not sure if that’s what I should do
It hurts so bad
I’m wanting you but I can’t go back
Trying to find, to find
That all elusive piece of mind
Stuck here somehow
Shrouded beneath my fear
And doubt, and I don’t need it

[Colbie Caillat]
Cuz I’m walkin down this road alone and figured all I’m thinking bout is you, is you my love
And my head is in a cloud of rain and the world it seems so far away and i’m just waiting to fall
In droplets, droplets

[Jason Reeves]
You left a mark
I wear it proudly on my chest
Above my heart (Above my heart)
To remind me that I feel the best
When I’m with you (When I’m with you)
To me everything is effortless
You know its true (You know it’s true)
My eyes are painted with regret and I don’t need it (Regret and I don’t need it)

Cuz I’m walkin down this road alone and figured all I’m thinking bout is you, is you my love (Figured all I’m thinking about is you) (you my love)
And my head is in a cloud of rain and the world it seems so far away and I’m just waiting to fall and sink into your skin (World it seems so far away and I’m) (waiting to fall and sink into your skin)

You are like the raindrops, the raindrops falling down on me (You are like the raindrops, the raindrops falling down on me)

You left a mark (you left a mark)
She left a mark (he left)
She left (he left)
And I don’t (I don’t)
Need it. (Need it)

 

 

 

Hope; dangles on a string
– Vindicated; Dashboard Confessionals

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2 thoughts on “Depressing; My endorphins wore off.”

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