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sept 22nd

The place where i seek my solace.

A price to pay for speaking the truth. A good price indeed.
You know when you fall and get a graze. It stings. And you suck in the air between your teeth to suck in the pain. I’ve been doing that for the past 10 mins.
It was a price for me to pay, to have done something righteous and true. It was a price, for me to pay to have spoken the truth. But I’d rather be public enemy number one, hated and most painfully- be forgotten. Just because I spoke the cold hard truth. It’s okay. My conscience is clear. I did what i thought was right, and i dont regret it. It’s a shame that sometimes, people mistook the lie as the truth, and the truth as a lie. I have to admit i was shaken by the fact that i was going to be forgotten, and i was forced to forget someone. But then again, it was a price that i had to pay. To speak the truth, or to answer it later during judgement day. I chose to speak the truth. Although, it was not a win- win situation, it was right. I had no intentions to make things worse. All i wanted was to speak the truth. And however the truth was handled, was not in my power.

The disappointment of seeing someone who was close to me shot arrows to my heart. Never did i thought he would make me lie, and never did i thought he would protect the lie than protect the truth. I dont care if it was not me he protected. I’d rather be bruised than lose my faith, dignity and my pride. It’s a shame that he never understood me one bit- even when we were together. It’s a shame that he never understood the fact that I am one who does not stop believing what she believes is right and true. He never understood that i do not care if I was despised by anyone for what i believe in. He never understood me at all. I thought he knew the person i was and still am. After more than a year, he still never understood anything about me.

this post is not to defame anyone really. or to insult for that matter. its just the disappointment that i feel. the agony of seeing someone- who has turned into someone i’ve never met before. the disappointment that reeks in the midst of my strong will and heart- of someone i used to care, love and cherish with my heart and my soul- everyday, every hour, every minute, every second.

Thank You Allah, for showing me the good and the righteous. Thank you for giving me the strength to get through this.

It’s time. It’s time to say goodbye to the past; Time to say goodbye to my first boyfriend and my first real best friend. It’s time for me to dispose of the photo in my wallet that has been there ever since 2 years ago. It’s time for me to let go and accept the fact, that my Amin, Will never return.

Dear Allah,
Forgive me for my past sins.
Forgive me if i had ever hurt anyone.
Oh Allah, Is this the price i have to pay to do whats right?
I accept it with open arms.
But one thing I ask from You, Oh Almighty-
Please take care of Amin for me and please enlighten him with strong Iman.
Dear Allah,
Please show him the right path towards life, and distant him away from all that is bad and that is forbidden by You, Oh Allah.

Walhamdulillah Hi Rabbil A’lamin.

[/edit]

Sept 23rd; 0555hrs
“I don’t wanna talk, about the things we’ve gone through”

Let me get this straight. This blog. Who is it registered under?
TIARA. ME. Whatever i say here, is purely MINE. And nobody tells me what to do with what i write in here. Stop bugging me to delete stuff i dont want to. Stop bugging me not to write about what i want to write about. Whatever you read here, is at your own risk. If you cant accept anything here, then I’m not to blame. It’s a public domain and IT IS AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Exactly my point- I dont wanna talk.

It’s time to surrender
It’s been too long pretending
There’s no use in trying
When the pieces don’t fit anymore
The pieces don’t fit here anymore
– James Morrison; The pieces dont fit anymore

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3 thoughts on “sept 22nd”

  1. Yo babykins ! Whatever it is,it goes to show that a guy like him doesn’t even deserve a past gf like you.You didn’t hold any tiny bit of grudge against him.Chill aite ~ Stay cool yo prinssy ! (princess) HAHAA

  2. TIARA,
    we’ll see through this together, you know it. I’m a phonecall away, okay?

    and your blog, your space, your thoughts.
    nobody has the rights to control your words or thoughts. especially not here in a blog.

    Be strong!

    Love,
    E

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