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I miss you, I miss your smile

 

After doing my maghrib prayers, I attempted to read the Yaasin by myself. I did it. All by myself. And then i just felt like singing miley cyrus’s song- I miss you. Suddenly I started crying.
Because i realised that i never ever showed her once that i really loved her. Reading the Yaasin would’ve been easier if she was still here. I never showed her how much she meant to me. I’d always run away when she asked me to read the Quran. All because I was lazy. She was the one who prayed to Allah in front of the Kaabah that I’ll be born into this world. I’ve disappointed her so many times. But she would always love me. No matter what. She’d protect me from Daddy’s beatings. I was so precious to her. But have i ever showed her how much she mattered to me? No. I never even said “Sayaaaang Nenek”. When she left, it was as if my whole world crumbled. It wasnt fair the way she just left. It wasnt fair that i had to see her deteriorate. It wasnt fair. But I accepted it in the end. Her time was up. I’ll meet her again. One day. Someday.

Her departure 4 years ago was something i found hard to get over. When she breathed her last, I dropped to the floor. My heart broke into pieces. I didnt even get to say how much I loved her for the last time.

She’d watch all the P Ramlee movies with me. She’d never complain if i repeated it over and over again. She’d be there to greet me when i reach home from school. She’d accompany me to the playground. She did everything for me. But have I done anything? 4 years have passed. Well, almost. Aug 26. I put up a brave front every single time. Deep inside, I feel empty. So empty. I miss her. I miss the sound of her dragging slippers. I miss the sounds of her reading the Quran. I miss her laughter. I miss the way she pops all her pills into her mouth all at the same time, freaking me out. I just feel so empty.

All i can afford to do is just to pray for her and staying strong. Cos like i said, I’ll meet her again one day. Someday.

Nek, If you’re listening (or reading), I’m sorry I’ve disappointed you so many times. I’m sorry I’ve never told you i loved you. I’m sorry i never told you how much you mattered to me. I’m sorry I was lazy to read the Quran. I’m so sorry. And nek, I miss you. So much.

sha la la la la,

sha la la la la

 

you used to call me your angel,

said I was sent straight down from heaven

you’d hold me close in your arms

I love the way you felt so strong

I never wanted you to leave

I wanted you to stay here holding me

 

I miss you,

I miss your smile

and I still shed a tear

every once in a while

and even though it’s different now

you’re still here somehow

my heart won’t let you go

and I need you to know

I miss you

sha la la la la

I miss you

 

you used to call me your dreamer

and now I’m living out my dream

oh, how I wish you could see

everything that’s happening for me

I’m thinking back on the past

it’s true that time is flying by too fast

 

I miss you,

I miss your smile

and I still shed a tear

every once in a while

and even though it’s different now

you’re still here somehow

my heart won’t let you go

and I need you to know

I miss you

sha la la la la

I miss you

 

I know your in a better place, yeah

but I wish that I could see your face, oh

I know that your’e where you need to be

even though it’s not here with me

 

I miss you

I miss your smile

and I still shed a tear

every once in a while

and even though it’s different now

you’re still here somehow

my heart won’t let you go

and I need you to know

I miss you

sha la la la la

I miss you

 

I miss your smile

and I still shed a tear

every once in a while

and even though it’s different now

you’re still here somehow

my heart won’t let you go

and I need you to know

I miss you

sha la la la la

I miss you

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2 thoughts on “I miss you, I miss your smile”

  1. After reading this, your grandmom would
    definitely be proud of you. Even though you didn’t show it,
    grandmoms always know what’s going on inside,
    so don’t regret, she wouldn’t want you to regret.
    =)

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