Yesterday, your past didnt matter. It’s over and you got that memo. You got up from that sitting position and continued walking.
Today, suddenly your past mattered. Suddenly you await lame old miracles to happen. When it did before, you couldnt care less. Cos you werent triggered, so to speak. But now when you hope. It doesnt come. Probably because there is a presence of someone else. And yeah. ITS OKAY. Cos ultimately you aint nobody to give the green light or not. It’s not your life, It’s his. You want to take a step forward, but you hesitate. It’s the best thing to do. Because you wouldnt want to complicate something already so complex. For all you know they might be meant for each other, and your interference is stopping fate from happening. You cant control these stuff. How much you think she’s a loser and how her presence makes him feel so called ‘happy’ is an insult to you, you are NOBODY to say anything. All you can afford to do is smile and feel happy.
Sometimes i wonder why things HAD to happen. Why did it become so difficult and complicated that i ended it. I dont regret my decision. But i regret the way it all just crashed. Just crashed so bad. So bad that I didnt know how to feel love. I forgot how love felt like. I forgot how to love him. I knew i had to do it, so i did. I felt better. Little did i know I was going to miss him somehow. And it came. It came like a storm, barging its way into my life. It’s interesting how memories forever linger. How memories hold our hand, but people let go. I snapped out of that first phase. And now I’m back. Since i had the experience, I should know how to handle this NOW. But i dont. I’m just keeping myself calm and collected, never failing to put up a smile but somewhere in me there is a silent cry. A cry for a trip down memory lane, a cry for a happy ending. A cry of wishes; that can never be fulfilled. I wished that we didnt fight cos of a third party. I wished that there wasnt any third party. I wished that he remained a good kid and a smart kid. I wished that he wasnt easily influenced. I wished that Mummy liked him to begin with. I wished that there wasnt anything to have ruined the so called best days of my secondary school years.
Wishes. How faint. The real world and wishes? They never come together. Here, wishes are all BULLSHIT. Crap. Nonsense. Wishes happen in fairytales. So does magic. Magic is an illusion. It’s how you perceive things that make you believe it as you perceive it.
Are ‘wishes’ like magic?
Just an illusion. Set out to trick you into believing something that will never happen.
I dont know. Nobody knows.
But till then, I’ll stick to memories, and prayers. Cos At least someone’s listening to me.
I listen to my memories. And of course, Allah listens to me and my prayers.
Enjoy. Sum 41’s With me.