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I feel driven- NOW.

I had a reality slap. Or smack, rather. So happens that i didnt lose my ability to phrase really pretty sentences. It was there all along, but it just wasnt appreciated. Or so I think. Wallahualam.

After a smack ytd, i had a smack again today. And therefore, i feel driven. I dont want to waste anymore time. because time is precious. I’ve made my mistakes, i know where i went wrong. So i need to work on it. I’m relatively proud of myself for comb. humans and malay paper 2. but the rest were just crappy. I suck so bad that i cant stand myself. Its like i’ve got the chop loser stamped CLEARLY on my acne infested forehead. I dont feel that i deserve to be living in this house. Its like, whatever my parents have worked hard for to sustain me, all down the drain. because i’m such a retard. Only child, and i cant even make my parents proud. What kind of daughter am i? Right, I’m a stupid twit. dumb and lazy. i dont know how to face my parents. I woner how it must feel like to have a dumb, stupid daughter like me. who cant even do the simple job of making her parents proud. why? why? why cant i be like them smart ass kids, who makes their parents proud all the time? WHY? WHY? oh i know why, because i’m slow.

but you know what. I’m not gonna screw up this bad for prelims and the Os. I’m not gonna waste my chance. I still have time. if i work fast, i work NOW. no later, not tmr or next month. After this results i got, i realised how pathetic and imperfect i am. so yeah. scrape all the imperfections. improve on them. make them into a learning point. dont make the same mistakes. come on. 5 more months to O levels. If i really work hard, and i’m sincere about it, Insya Allah, i will do well. 5 more months. its not long. its either i go crazy now, and stay happy later. or stay happy now, and lose everything later. And i pick going crazy now. I feel driven. And no live being can stop me from feeling this way. I’ve wasted too much time. And i dont see a point in regretting. I should act on it. PRONTO.

The o level preparation starts now.
Come on tiara. keep a steady pace.
1st round is done and you sucked.
you’ve got the 2nd round to prove yourself.
And the third one, go all out.
come on bitch.
lets make up some lost time here.

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