These few days I’ve been feeling rather numb. And i often relate my feelings to random songs i find in both computers- the laptop and the desktop. Since i’ve been studying in my room on the study table, the desktop has been put to much use. I find this week really hard and pressuring. Despite arguing with mum and dad about the holiday that i’m not looking forward to, i failed, yet again. But as a loyal child, i’ll just follow. I’ll think of something to pay off my 12 hrs of revision that i missed. come on, its the 21st century. I reckon there must be something which can benefit me academically when i’m in bangkok. Oh well, we shall see. This friday the exams will officially start. From there, its full speed ahead. chemistry and social studies this friday. my knees are shaking, unsure of whether i’m able to do the paper. I’ve started chemistry and a little bit of social studies. the bad part is, i’m running out of time. today i slept the afternoon away. and i spent the night watching tv with mummy. i feel useless. i wasted precious time. but tonight, i just didnt feel like doing anything. i know its wrong. and i shouldnt waste time. but i really didnt feel like doing anything. my mind was running in all directions. I feel numb, but then again. if i’m feeling blue, then i’m not considered numb right? bummer. I havent been doing well in school. My attention’s everywhere. distinct sounds trigger me. significant days trigger me too. When they do, i just… dont know how to react. a part of me feels sad, but another part tells me i can get through this. I’m a sucker when it comes to these stuff. And i somehow feel that i have failed. i cant go out to get my mind off these stuff cos of the exams. and i cant keep on dreaming and pondering over it and waste time, like how i did today.
I’ll post videos of significant songs from tmr onwards. And somehow, you’ll figure out from there. My power to phrase out beautiful sentence structures which holds alot of meaning and sincerity has faded. I’ve always been good at that stuff, but i think i lost it. I lost it. All.